thanks for pretending to care

i woke up with 2 cracked ribs and a broken finger!!

email --

daniels-j@sbcglobal.net

i dont think that anyone reads about me anymore..
but livejournal.com...
im sad..


did this really happen to me???


i dont even like talking to you amymore..

im in love.
but i dont want to be anymore..
i need someone

i hate tracy..
my house just sold..


sleeping alone again huh james??

Life is turned.
The day I knew you would leave
I can barely breath
Can you hear me scream???

she left last night...
she still hasn't called or been online...
i hope she made it home ok..

does anyone know?
im so worried

wes nick and altman are coming up on fridayy!!!! oh happy days..

new screen name

JamesKrazy</font>

not that any of you kare.

jamesKrazy@hotmail.com

not that any of you kare

so i just woke up..
gonna go bowling.
i need to shake off last night..
was way to faded..
my back is all messed up from sleeping on the floor
and from all the rowing yesterday.
kinda want ta go home..

no actually im having a really good time..

i hope im not driving everyone crazy..

wow the new reggie is so tight..
"and its you that does this to me"

im naked under all these clothes..

bowling time, mikeys out of the shower..

...senohp etah I

so hows your life?
im starting to enjoy mine..
prolly cause i listen to slug at work
and think about you all day..

its nice to be able to close my eyes and see you perfectly..
except its weird cause when i blink you flash before my eyes..
so i blink really fast and its like a flip book..
except i cant understand one thing..
why would you ever think i dont like u?

your perfect

so i got employee of the month.. tight

was an hour late for work!

cant get you out of my head

need starbucks

and a ride home..

off at 6

hmmm sleep...

letter from danielle....

"ok you know what. the reason that we didnt make out or do anything is because i dont like you like that. i dont have those feelings for you. i dont like you. you should date, get a girlfriend. get 10. i dont care, cause we will never be "us" again. we are not going to get married. we are not going to move to san diego and move in together after high school. just move on and forget about me. start over. get a new life, a BETTER life in tracy. dont associate with me. and maybe i shouldnt talk to you if i give you the impression that we are so close. we arent. the truth is, i dont think we should be friends if you cant handle just being friends. i am not going to sit here and pretend i like you. i dont. we r friends and thats it. if you cant understand that then i am sorry, but we cant be friends. i know i am tearing you apart and that's why you should just forget about me. and thats the truth. "

wow how times have changed...

i hate the fact that i cant except the way the world is. i wish it could be like it used to be, but even back then i felt empty.

i hate being nothing.... i need to be noticed. i need to be remembered. i need to be loved.

why cant i believe anyone?

if im told im loved, i laugh. when i get home i cry. if i was really loved then why do i feel so much pain?

how can i possibly make an impact on your life as you have made on mine? how is it that i can remember every detail from every moment we have ever spent together, and you cant?

why does it feel like if i was gone no one would care? because they wouldn't... you dont care... honestly when was the last time you called me? came to visit?

i dont understand why people will pretend to care. is that in some way going to help me? well i dont need help.. i need friends.

when will i believe that you care? im sad to say i never will.

i can honestly say i hate my life. everything that was has been lost, and everything to come will bring pain.

im not suicidle. i've tried that and like everything else i failed. im not affaid of death. i have come to the conclusion that i just have to wait for it. if i take my own life then i have no chance at heaven. if i dont go to heaven the pain i have felt my whole life will stay or get worse. im not suicidle, i just want the pain to go away.

my biggest fear in life is rejection. people tell me i shouldn't care what others think of me, but those people dont know what its like to be rejected by everyone they've ever loved or cared for.

rejection... i dont just mean from a high school crush. do you know what it feels like when you own mother kicks you out of you house to live with a father you only saw 3 days out of the year for the past 14 years? to leave all that you know and try to start over? to learn to forget your old friends cause they have long but forgotten you? then you live with your "dad" for 4 years. you make all new friends. you make all new memories. you dont fell like your falling as fast. but then, of course your family, rejects you once again. when both of your parents give up on you because your not what they want, who do you go to? how in the world can you ask for help from someone if your parents made "help" a make believe word. friends come and go but family will always be there. right? well not your parents.. so maybe other family. maybe an aunt or an uncle? but if both your parents rejected you why even bother an aunt or an uncle, you already know whats enevatable.... rejection.

but wait what about your older brother. he was there from the time you were born till the moment you where kicked out of your mothers. my older brother was everything i wanted to be growing up... hes who i looked up to. hes the one that told me everything i needed to know on life that my parents wouldn't. i dressed like him. i talked like him. i always wanted to be as "cool" as him. you would think my brother wouldn't reject me right? well....

my brother is nothing like he was. hes not the football/baseball star he was growing up. his girlfriend looks nothing like his old ones used to. hes not interested in the things i am. he dosen't stop drinking. he cant sit down and talk to me like a brother. he gets violent when hes mad. he hides alot of things behind his drinking. hes never around me when hes sober. hes going bald. he has a beer belly. he dosent pick up after him self. he dosent care about how my day was unless it has to do with me finding, keeping, or losing my job.

hes still my brother and no matter what has changed i will still hold him in my heart above everyone. but im not the kind of guy he would hang out with... if i wasn't related to him i would never be someone he would even talk to. we dont really get along to well. he expects to much from me. when he asks me a question, he wont listen to the answer. it seems like in his eyes nothing i do is right, or good enough. he rejects me for me. as in he dosen't allow me to be me. if im not exactly what he wants me to be then he yells at me, or socks me as hard as a 24 year old bother can, which is annoying as fuck. he has kicked me out like 4 times in the last month and a half i've lived there and
i for some reason wont leave. i wont let him reject me. i think he needs my help. his drinking has become really really bad. and as most of you know i dont drink anymore so maybe i can help. i think he needs my help as much as i need his so i plan on fighting his rejection untill i lose badly or until we find that brotherhood we lost and become friends like when we where little.

please dont get me wrong, my brothers a great guy he just needs alot of help.

enough of my brother.

i hate rejection in all its forms, but for some reason i cant help but get it everywhere i turn. from family, from friends, from "lovers", from job interviews...

am i really such a bad person that no one wants to remember me? is it possible for the whole world to be laughing at me behind my back? am i so affaid of rejection that i scare off the ones i love because i cant trust them when they tell me they love me, or that they care for me.

how can i believe people like me if my childhood was filled with violence every night? how am i supposed to love if i cant feel loved? why is it that for the first 15 years of my life when someone said "i love you" it ment "im sorry"?

sorry this post is so long, but i guess i needed it

thanks for pretending to care

wha wha whats this? wolf in town saturday - tuesday... this must be a dream...
for me...

oh and i got a job now!!! hooray!! this means i can start paying shaun the money i owe him.. sorry it took so long shaun but thanks for not coming up here and taking your laptop... i was just having so much trouble getting a job.. but i have one and its at a place like Golf and Stuff!!!! tight!







which "monty python and the holy grail" character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

Find your emotion! [?]

umm...


</p>

which song of staywhatyouare are you? find
out!

ok, thats just wrong.

maybe it means danielle b is my significant other

i hate it when people try to make you feel wanted. trying = fake. fake = more people then you could ever imagine.

i hate having to invite my self and then finding out im a third leg.

i hate the fact that i cant call any of my friends.

i hate being alone.

i hate this horrible lack of memories.

i miss my old life.

i miss my cat.

i miss my room.

i miss having a maid.

i miss having a dish washer.

i miss true people.

i miss having friends.

i miss my dad

i dont recommend ever moving far away in less you bring someone. its not easy to do alone.

i dont recommend death.

i dont recommend hope.

i dont recommend love.

i really hope my whole life dosent just get worse and worse.

well things are doing better up here.i havent got a job yet but im supposed to do that tommarrow... or today whaen i wake up.

i sit and play video games all day. gta 3, ff 10, the sims, blitz 20-02. im becoming pretty good friends with my brothers roomate mike. cause my brothers never here. me and mike cleand the house yesterday... that hella sucked. it was horrible. but it looks good now.

OMG!!!!!!!! i just got the best news in the whole world. im pregnant!!! i mean wes is coming to visit me on sat. BEST FRIEND!!!!! HEAD!!!!!

whens everyone else gonna visit?

im in a strange mood tonight, maybe because of the effects of it being 4:20 and i celebrated that alot. forgot what i was talking about.

kinda watching tv and typing at the same time.

*turns off tv*

i guess what im trying to say is

i miss my friends so much that im scared... im actually crying right now.. i really miss you guys

*turns up radio and starts singing and crying*

Hey Jude, don't make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better

And anytime you feel the pain
Hey Jude refrain
don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool
who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Na na na na na
na na na na

Hey Jude don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into your heart
then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you
Hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder
Na na na na na
na na na na yeah

Hey Jude, don't make it bad
take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you can begin to make it better
Better, better, better, better, better, oh

Na, na na na na na na
na na na na, hey Jude
Na, na na na na na na
na na na na, hey Jude
Na, na na na na na na
na na na na, hey Jude